Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
