woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
