Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
