I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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