roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
