a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
