i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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