you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
