I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
