If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
