Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
