So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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