How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
