Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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