Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
