Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
