They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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