if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
