the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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