This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ugly people sure do ruin things
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
