I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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