i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
