There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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