I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
