WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
