Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
