grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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