don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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