once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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