she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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