Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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