I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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