i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
where am i from again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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