what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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