why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
