i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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