The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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