So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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