I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
