he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
