I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
