You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
