she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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