the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
