i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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