Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
