laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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