I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
