Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
