If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize