textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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