I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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