I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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