I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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