i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
