areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
