update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
