it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
