Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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