dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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