Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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