Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
