i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
